I have. I have gained a lot more weight too, but it’s not even a bad thing. I used to be extremely skinny and now I have a body I can show the world, out of shape as it is. The body, not the world.
As an autistic person in constant need of learning the simplest things, I have learned a lot more empathy since the old Murmurs’ days, even if I had plenty back then. But I’ve learned lots of more self-esteem too, because I wouldn’t post as I felt unwelcome and undeserving then. It was THAT community, and I was “this” here, just lonely old me.
In the last few years, I’ve learned more politics, arts, English, medicine, music theory and many other things. You need time for that. It doesn’t come to us any other way. So getting older has that brilliant side: not necessarily wiser, but more in the know at least. We also try to understand better what to do with all of that – at least I do, dunno about others.
And aging a bit has taught me to be a husband and a dad, two things the 20-year-old me never thought he would experience. The tenacity and kindness of my woman, who is crazy enough to choose this path of staying by my side. How incredibly valuable she is in my life, in my way to see the world now. That only comes with time enough to get used to someone and cherish her enormously like I do. I don’t think you can love immediately; but you can learn how to never want to be apart. Aging has brought me this deep understanding of love. And it’s only with the passing of time that one random day I found out I was now a dad. I’m ecstatic for having him, and it could be even if just for that, but it’s for so much more. The knowledge of every day trying to raise this guy, trying to understand him and his new view of the world.
I’ve aged, but I’m still aging and hungry for what’s to come.