22 replies to this topic

[norwayrem]

Everything is a mess now. My girlfriend lives like half a country away (almost), and we can only talk in real with the phone (msn and sms isn't the same), and now my dad is pist because I talk to her too much in the nights.

Maybe he is right. He say I am to young... that I will meet someone else... that to study is more important.

I mean, I can't let her go... She's to important.. but she lives far away.. And I can still concentrate on study if I am with her, but the relationship won't grow at all then. Maybe it even fades away...

If I let her go, I won't be able to do anything in a long time...and after that, what is next?

Life suck. S-U-C-K.:mad:  You go through a hard time, just do fade out and die:mad: . Love is the only thing that matters, and now I'm afraid that it might.. not... go...:( :( :( :(

Any thoughts?

[MizMills]

It happens to everyone, and in the end it will turn out for the better. Right now doing well in school is most important.

[Silvy]

MizMills said:

It happens to everyone, and in the end it will turn out for the better. Right now doing well in school is most important.

I agree with Francy...
Michael you are really young, it's hard to keep a long and deep relationship when you are an adult, or when you have the person you love near... so I can imagine you parents' advice on this matter.
I know that you really are in love in this moment, but as francy said school at the moment is important.
This doesn't mean you have not to talk with the girl, or close all kind of relations with her.. just take it easy!
And sooner or later the real love comes, don't woryy and... don't say that life suck.. life is the greatest gift you've ever received.

[norwayrem]

Silvy said:

I And sooner or later the real love comes, don't woryy and...

For the sake of the conversation, do you think it's with someone else than her?

[Silvy]

norwayrem said:

For the sake of the conversation, do you think it's with someone else than her?

I can only say what I think, in my opinion and with my little experience... distance relationship are difficult Michael... I had this kind of story when I was 18 and my BF lived in my city, but worked in Bologna, he was far all the week, sometimes also the week end (1 week end at month, if I remember well) and it was very difficult for me.
And I have to admit, also profs said that i was not the same as the previous years.
The story ended after one year.
I don't want to bring you unhappiness Michael, just wanted to say that you have not to think that this is the love story of you life... you are still young... this is just experience you're making!

[AlexFilip]

Michael!
you ARE young...while I will admit that juvenile love is sometimes one of the purest forms of love, one must also note that it comes about many times in life, and dosen't hesitate to switch subjects..for example:Remember how much I suffered becasue of Oana( like a dog:( ), how I used to think of her 24/7 ? And three months later came Ana ( you saw the pic of her) and I forgot all about Oana... and then, all I cared about was Ana:rolleyes: :o ... around the clock... now I've broken up with Ana, and I suffered like a dog...again... and I am sure that another love will come. That is how it's like when you are young... you have a long way to go ahead of you in life, and you can be sure many more problems will come, many more loves, many more bumps...  I am not saying that you should not invest in your in relationship with M. or anything like that - on the contrary! But do not make of it an "all or nothing issue"... do not suboedonate other aspects of life to it... like school or your sleep(:o )... a healthy relationship is not supposed to be supported by sacrifice of other things... a healthy relationship is suposed to be able to go hand in hand with these things... life does suck- true... but one must accept this "suckkiness" in order to be eligeble to happiness later on, remember? Remember when I told you that u must endure the seemingly pointelss stuff, and wait till u feel "belong", that it would change your perspective?... What u are experiencing now can only get better later on in life, with the condition that it is supported by you with healthy family enviroments and a prospect in professional life, which... for good or ill... is conditioned by or mediocre school studies...

[anniebaer]

AlexFilip said:

... a healthy relationship is not supposed to be supported by sacrifice of other things... a healthy relationship is suposed to be able to go hand in hand with these things...

well said...

[Red Frog]

Let it go, remain friends if you can.

The reason to be in a relationship is the combined happiness of all people so involved.  If it sucks, tada, it's not working.

[AlexFilip]

ok...this is an ugly allegory... but... relationships are like bottles of wine ( or kisses)... wine tastes better when opened after only after a few yeras from it's harvest... and 90% of a kiss is the waiting game before the kiss ... that situation in which your head is so close to you girlfriend that you can almost touch her ( but you don't) and you can feel her breath on you face and she yours, and you wanna go for the kiss...but you wait a little longer...and a little longer...and a little longer...and look in the eyes.... and when yuo feel yuo can't take it anny longer...you kiss... and it tastes like a god's treat!
And the fact that uyou two ar far apart from one another is maybe good for the fact that each time u meet, it's bigger a deal than if you would have her all the time with you ( who knows, 24/7 toghether, you might start gettin on one another'nerver)... when you meet somebody after a long absence, it's allways more intense... I never had a girlfriend from my hometown ( strange!?:confused: ), only they went to school in my town, or to the same school... they would allways go home for the week-end...and I would miss them enourmously, but Monday dates were allways better than Friday dates:D :p .

[norwayrem]

Red Frog said:

Let it go, remain friends if you can.

If it sucks, tada, it's not working.

It works for her and me. What all this is about, is when my dad freaks out. He scared the hell out of me with all this crap he told me, about future. Maybe he's right, I know he is in some stuffs, but as soon as I talked with her again, everything went all right.

Yeah, life is weird...

[AgainstAllOdds]

ok, i see both sides of this.  From the parents side, study is more important, you have plenty time to work on relationships later.  
...life is about happiness and having fun..if your having fun keep going.  But..sometimes the longing and lusting isn't always worth the wait..

[Red Frog]

piglet said:

longing and lusting

Your ideas appeal to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[AlexFilip]

Red Frog said:

Let it go, remain friends if you can.

The reason to be in a relationship is the combined happiness of all people so involved. If it sucks, tada, it's not working.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Try to hang on to her Michael, if you manage to reconcile the relationship with the rest...DO NOT let her go. And you're bright, you'll figure a way to do it. She's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, people ( if that was really her in the pic)- I shit you not! She's superb... I know people who would give up...I don't know...a lot... to have such a girlferiend. Whereas this might sound shallow, at first sight, what I am really trying to say ( and the above is just auxilliary to my opinion) is that one's love life is only completely happy in fairy tales...

Red Frog said:

The reason to be in a relationship is the combined happiness of all people so involved. If it sucks, tada, it's not working.

HOW CAN U SAY THAT? It SHOULD in theory be like that, but it never is like that for anybody! Life as a whole is never perfect... neither is the love life... there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, where nothing is wrong... something is allways wrong, in Michael's case...it's the distance... the beauty of life is the alternation of suffering and bliss, of sadness and bliss... if there was no impediment to go over in any aspect of life, including a relationship, it would take away part of the beauty... if there was only happiness and no sadness, we would not know to appreciate the happiness... the fact that there are sucky parts to life is waht makes us appreciate the good ones.

[Hezalin]

Stay friends weith her and study hard, if you screw yourself over in school, then you can possibly screw yourself for life, but if it's meant to be with her, you will stay friends and hopefully inthe future, more will come of it,  or you may natutrally grow apart, and find someone else. Life is never easy, but being so young, you need to do things that will secure your future, so you can be as complete and satisfied adult as you can when it ocmes time to be with someoine

[Red Frog]

AlexFilip said:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Try to hang on to her Michael, if you manage to reconcile the relationship with the rest...DO NOT let her go. And you're bright, you'll figure a way to do it. She's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, people ( if that was really her in the pic)- I shit you not! She's superb... I know people who would give up...I don't know...a lot... to have such a girlferiend. Whereas this might sound shallow, at first sight, what I am really trying to say ( and the above is just auxilliary to my opinion) is that one's love life is only completely happy in fairy tales...

HOW CAN U SAY THAT? It SHOULD in theory be like that, but it never is like that for anybody! Life as a whole is never perfect... neither is the love life... there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, where nothing is wrong... something is allways wrong, in Michael's case...it's the distance... the beauty of life is the alternation of suffering and bliss, of sadness and bliss... if there was no impediment to go over in any aspect of life, including a relationship, it would take away part of the beauty... if there was only happiness and no sadness, we would not know to appreciate the happiness... the fact that there are sucky parts to life is waht makes us appreciate the good ones.

I'm just going to echo what hez said, because it was spot on.

[AlexFilip]

Why do you people go from the presumptions that this relationship is irreconcialeble with school? From what I understood, he's father gave him some critique because of his attitude towards HER (the fact that he stays up late and stuff), not becasue there are any reports of him having any bad grades at school ( are there any?), the thypical "what are you gonna do with your future, young man?" speech ( which I myself got many times)... I mean... don't you people think that he can keep the relationship going and do well at school? C'mon, it happens to all of us, at first, at the beginning of relationships that we tend to not be able to concentrate for a while on anything but "loooooove", but we grow accustomed and we can get back our rutines and duties and responsabilities... if he keeps the relatonship going dosen't mean that he decides to quit school, join some gang, do drugs and stuff...what if it's just a phase?...each time I start a relationship for examle, for the first week or so, I'm obsessed and can't pay atention to schoiol, can't do my homework and can't think of anything, can't concentrate, but eventually, everything gets back to normal, and get ack at getting my average or good grades... of course, school is important and MIchael is aware of it and he will take care of these things...  all he has to do is stop staying up at night and get a little more discrete about M. and everything will be better...

[Red Frog]

AlexFilip said:

Why do you people go from the presumptions that this relationship is irreconcialeble with school? From what I understood, he's father gave him some critique because of his attitude towards HER (the fact that he stays up late and stuff), not becasue there are any reports of him having any bad grades at school ( are there any?), the thypical "what are you gonna do with your future, young man?" speech ( which I myself got many times)... I mean... don't you people think that he can keep the relationship going and do well at school? C'mon, it happens to all of us, at first, at the beginning of relationships that we tend to not be able to concentrate for a while on anything but "loooooove", but we grow accustomed and we can get back our rutines and duties and responsabilities... if he keeps the relatonship going dosen't mean that he decides to quit school, join some gang, do drugs and stuff...what if it's just a phase?...each time I start a relationship for examle, for the first week or so, I'm obsessed and can't pay atention to schoiol, can't do my homework and can't think of anything, can't concentrate, but eventually, everything gets back to normal, and get ack at getting my average or good grades... of course, school is important and MIchael is aware of it and he will take care of these things...  all he has to do is stop staying up at night and get a little more discrete about M. and everything will be better...

We're not suggesting that everything would go to crap because of this relationship, but even aside from school/social life, the relationship will be strained by being long distance.  Only being able to talk on the phone is a paltry substitute for being with the person, and when you're young, yes you have a lot more energy, but you also have more need to go out and have fun and be active.  That's what I've hated most about the long distance relationships I've ever tried...I could talk to her for four hours a night, but if I didn't get to do the every day things with her, like go for a walk, or just randomly drop by her house, there's no point to it.

I'm certainly not being cynical or ageist, but I don't think anyone who posts a message like norwayrem posted is in a position to be tackling this at this point in his life.  The best way to be happy in a relationship is to be happy out of a relationship.

[Hezalin]

AlexFilip said:

Why do you people go from the presumptions that this relationship is irreconcialeble with school? From what I understood, he's father gave him some critique because of his attitude towards HER (the fact that he stays up late and stuff), not becasue there are any reports of him having any bad grades at school ( are there any?), the thypical "what are you gonna do with your future, young man?" speech ( which I myself got many times)... I mean... don't you people think that he can keep the relationship going and do well at school? C'mon, it happens to all of us, at first, at the beginning of relationships that we tend to not be able to concentrate for a while on anything but "loooooove", but we grow accustomed and we can get back our rutines and duties and responsabilities... if he keeps the relatonship going dosen't mean that he decides to quit school, join some gang, do drugs and stuff...what if it's just a phase?...each time I start a relationship for examle, for the first week or so, I'm obsessed and can't pay atention to schoiol, can't do my homework and can't think of anything, can't concentrate, but eventually, everything gets back to normal, and get ack at getting my average or good grades... of course, school is important and MIchael is aware of it and he will take care of these things...  all he has to do is stop staying up at night and get a little more discrete about M. and everything will be better...

Umm, cuz he said his schoolwork would suffer if he talks to her as much as he wants to, or his relationship with her would suffer if he spent as muchtime on school as he shoulod, so he did.

[norwayrem]

Hezalin said:

Umm, cuz he said his schoolwork would suffer if he talks to her as much as he wants to, or his relationship with her would suffer if he spent as muchtime on school as he shoulod, so he did.

With a little perspective, it's possible to do both, as the relationship is stronger than a rock.

As Alex said, the first week can be very hard, then it will calm down, and get more normal.

[AlexFilip]

wait and see what happens after some time, when the butterflies in the belly go away, and you'll chill and relax. Stop staying up ay night, however - it's ass-killing and I might understand that you might upset some people with that... talk to her during the day. Is there no activity or daily routine such as TV, games, surfing the net or stuff that you could cut short in order to make up for the apparent loss of time?