2441 replies to this topic

[In the Corner]

Internet Legend said:

So...did you call a cab to take you home? ;)

And if so, did you tip well?

[NearWildHeather]

Crap, I'm busted. No... :o Anyway, on to this morning's segment...hey, shut up! I KNOW!


I nearly hit a turtle who was crossing a 3-lane street around sunset whilst headed west. Between the sun in my eyes and the fact that I wasn't expecting that piece of trash in the street to be a fucking creature, I barely missed him. However, I was stopped by the next light and got to watch in my rear-view as he made it safely the rest of the way across.

I took this Indian...rrrrgg...Native American couple from a park to their friend's house. About an hour later, I was sent to that same house to retrieve them. I asked them if the party sucked; they said it would have been fine if the couple(s?) inside hadn't been trying to get them to 'swing'.

Another guy I took somewhere then took home...when we got back to his place, he asked me if I wanted a present. Mind you, he was drunk and edging toward hitting on me, so I was a little nervous. He then said he would get it out of his truck (rather than his pants), so I said okay. He gave me a bass-drum-pedal-thingy. Odd...then he asked me for a kiss. I told him I couldn't, and he promptly took his thingy back. No big deal--I can't play drums for shit anyway.

One guy, whom we took to Moore (between Norman and OKC), told us that a cop had 'jumped out of the alley like a fucking ninja' at him the previous night as he was walking home from a bar on Campus Corner (a misnomer, really, as it's really more of a block). To say the cops were out in force Weds. night would be quite the understatement.

I am suffering from car confusion. When I first got into one of these cabs, I was lost. Everything is in a different place in a Lincoln Continental than in a Mazda 626. Who knew? But now, it's when I get into my car in the morning that I get confused. I reach up to the steering column for the gearshift, onto the dash for my lights, and I can't quite seem to settle right in my seat. The steering feels weird, like it's too hard to steer, and the same goes for depressing the gas pedal. I've become a stranger in my own car!


I'm gonna try to sleep now. If you're good, boys and girls, I may pop in later today with more. ;)


EDIT:
Hey, would it be possible to merge this thread with the 'Holy crap...' thread? Like with the 'Holy crap...' stuff at the beginning?

[In the Corner]

NearWildHeather said:

Crap, I'm busted. No... :o Anyway, on to this morning's segment...hey, shut up! I KNOW!


I nearly hit a turtle who was crossing a 3-lane street around sunset whilst headed west. Between the sun in my eyes and the fact that I wasn't expecting that piece of trash in the street to be a fucking creature, I barely missed him. However, I was stopped by the next light and got to watch in my rear-view as he made it safely the rest of the way across.

Awwwwwwwwww.  :)  Sounds like a fairly decent night, all in all.

[beccakay]

NearWildHeather said:

Another guy I took somewhere then took home...when we got back to his place, he asked me if I wanted a present. Mind you, he was drunk and edging toward hitting on me, so I was a little nervous. He then said he would get it out of his truck (rather than his pants), so I said okay. He gave me a bass-drum-pedal-thingy. Odd...then he asked me for a kiss. I told him I couldn't, and he promptly took his thingy back. No big deal--I can't play drums for shit anyway.

No kissie for him huh? I am beginning to think you would not make it in New Orleans. That is how you get all the essentials there is by kissing a drunken stranger ;)

[TraceyBHull]

Nelson Plywood said:

Well, while everybody is waiting I thought this may keep you entertained.

http://www.bulletinboardforum.com/linkdump.php?friend=fws.tacmurd/etavirp/moc.murofdraobnitellub.www//:ptth

Ouch! :p

[Corpus]

You know, Heather, it's pretty boring around here with you at that job.  Maybe this job wasn't such a good idea.  Maybe you should get a law degree so you have more computer-time.  

In fairness to Nelson, he tries hard, but he's only one man and can only be SO funny.  Plus, he's from Oklahoma.  

Remember that time you thought you scared me?

That was awesome.

[NearWildHeather]

Corpus said:

You know, Heather, it's pretty boring around here with you at that job.  Maybe this job wasn't such a good idea.  Maybe you should get a law degree so you have more computer-time.  

LOL, degree-yes, law-HELL NO. I know what L-1 is like. Fuck that.

Quote

In fairness to Nelson, he tries hard, but he's only one man and can only be SO funny.  Plus, he's from Oklahoma.  

Um...so am I. ¿Tiene un punto? :confused:

Quote

Remember that time you thought you scared me?

That was awesome.

Actually, if I were really trying to scare you, I would've addressed you by your 'full' name.
(That 'P' must stand for something truly awful if you'd rather be called 'P. Corper'.) :p



Corpie's naughtiness notwithstanding, the rest of you seem to have been pretty good, so here ya go:


I picked up this waiter from Red Lobster who had me stop at the Taco Bell where his boyfriend works to get free food.
For both of us. Apparently he does this everytime he takes a cab.

Later on, past 4.00, we were sitting around outside 7-11 being bored, when this truck pulled up. The angriest-looking man ever got out and stomped inside. My coworker said, 'Boy he looks pissed.' I said, 'There's a chick in the truck. That probably explains it.' My coworker, who weighs 390 lbs. and was jokingly striking car-show-babe poses on the hood of my cab, fell off laughing. Talk about a THUD.

We picked up the proprietor of a bar on Campus Corner around 5.45. Earlier, a girl had mentioned that the place had been robbed the night before. However, as we got the real story from the owner, two of his employees had been robbed in the alley behind the place as they stepped out for a break. Ever play 'Telephone' as a kid?

When we went to fetch our friendly bar-owner, we had to take a bit of a detour to skirt a train that was stopped on the tracks. There were cops at every intersection--half the major streets in town were blocked--and we soon found out why. The train had hit a car. My coworker said not to get too close, because the last time his grandpa pulled up to a stopped train like that, the cops made him get out and help pick up body parts. Needless to say, I gave that train a WIDE berth. *shudder*

I have now 'spilled' Dr. Pepper twice in that damn car. Once my first night when I opened a bottle, forgetting how much it was bouncing around, and once last night when my Taco Bell cup went over. Reclosable containers are a must for this job.

[Corpus]

Best entry yet.  Good work.  

Queria decir algo acerca de Oklahoma porque sabia que responderias.   :)

No puedo decirte lo que significa el "P"

[NearWildHeather]

So you were attempting to goad me, eh? Nice try, I guess. :rolleyes:


I didn't ask you to tell me what the 'P' stands for. Maybe I will later this fall at my partay.

Or maybe I'll just tackle you and take your drivers' license. :D

[Corpus]

Actually, most of my friends call me Corpy and always have (the "y" is more masculine).  

...Well, if I HAD any friends I think they would call me Corpy with a "y."  

The P is horrendous, but if I don't use it people insist that Corper is my last name.  Plus, it sounds snooty.  I like snooty stuff.

Just remember I am 200 pounds of man-love.  No, the other kind of man-love... no, the other kind...

[NearWildHeather]

:confused: I didn't realize there were that many kinds of man-love! Funny how you did...

[Corpus]

NearWildHeather said:

:confused: I didn't realize there were that many kinds of man-love! Funny how you did...

:p

[Corpus]

See, there's the man kind, the self kind, and the lady kind...

Duh.   :)

[NearWildHeather]

I know I'm gonna regret this, but...which kind did you mean?

[Corpus]

Not the man kind.  No that there's anything wrong with that.  It's just not for me.  I understand it has worked out quite well for others.  I am happy for them.  But not THAT happy.  

Thank you.

[bizaleth]

Corpus said:

Actually, most of my friends call me Corpy and always have (the "y" is more masculine).  

...Well, if I HAD any friends I think they would call me Corpy with a "y."  

The P is horrendous, but if I don't use it people insist that Corper is my last name.  Plus, it sounds snooty.  I like snooty stuff.

Wow, that is one snooty sounding name.

[NearWildHeather]

Fuck me, I'm tired. This will be short:


A guy I was originally taking to the Postal Training Center decided to have me drop him off at an Oriental massage parlor instead. I guess he felt the need to...unwind before work?

I picked up a lady with big, poofy hair at one point, and the first thing out of her mouth was 'This is not my hair!' Turns out she has really fine, straight hair and decided to wear a big, poofy wig to prank her husband. It was her birthday, her husband hates poofy hair, and the look on his face was brilliant.

There's another story, but it must wait. Till later today, if you're all good. ;)

Number of times I was stood up last night: 3

Number of times someone cancelled as I arrived at their location: 4

Number of times I exclaimed 'To-fucking-day!': countless

[In the Corner]

NearWildHeather said:

Fuck me, I'm tired. This will be short:


A guy I was originally taking to the Postal Training Center decided to have me drop him off at an Oriental massage parlor instead. I guess he felt the need to...unwind before work?

I picked up a lady with big, poofy hair at one point, and the first thing out of her mouth was 'This is not my hair!' Turns out she has really fine, straight hair and decided to wear a big, poofy wig to prank her husband. It was her birthday, her husband hates poofy hair, and the look on his face was brilliant.

There's another story, but it must wait. Till later today, if you're all good. ;)

Number of times I was stood up last night: 3

Number of times someone cancelled as I arrived at their location: 4

Number of times I exclaimed 'To-fucking-day!': countless

Yay, Heather!!!  Over lunch today I filled in Z and Tex on your exploits; they were quite interested.   And I have a cassette case ready to box up and mail on Monday. Quite an interesting assortment, as you can imagine.

[NearWildHeather]

Aw, that's so sweet of you, ya big sweetyheart. :)

Onward...


So I got some burgers and fries and was about to take them home when I got a call. I was to take a lady from the bus station to Days Inn. Not far at all, so I wasn't that concerned. Then we get there, and she says to wait while she makes sure she has a room, then take her to Thunderbird Casino. Dispatch says to take a $40 deposit from her; she gets pissed and refuses, saying she always pays $25. So she asks me to take her to the Goldsby casino; it's just a little ways south off I-35. Between her and dispatch, no one gives me proper directions. So we drove back and forth a bit, and I stopped at Love's to ask directions. He tells me to go over this bridge and veer right. I do so, and end up back on I-35 South! The sign said it was 15 miles to the next exit, so I then had to flip a bitch on an interstate!! She finally said never mind, let's go to Thunderbird. I, nearly in tears at this point, agree wholeheartedly. I ate my burger on the way back; it was by then 2 hours old. The fries were unsalvagable.


Other than that, last night went okay. :rolleyes:

Today, on the other hand, I am sick. :mad: