64 replies to this topic

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name - Renee

Likes - Eating sand, pickles, playing with monkeys, self induced sneezing, braiding other peoples pubic hair, collecting toilet paper rolls and Kajagoogoo.

Dislikes - Soap, creamed corn, normality, that pesky hair that grows under my chin no matter how many times I pluck it out.  You.

About me - I enjoy quilting with gussets and knitting with tampon string in my spare time.  At weekends I partake in my hobby of goading strange dogs and collecting chewing gum build up under library desks.  I also like making my own clothes, Limahl and riding the bus with my all day rover card.

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name - Kevin

Likes - pants, paste, tights, his new found monkey fetish,  mushrooms, Opera, feeling the wind against his skin, germolene.

Dislikes - Asteroids, jam, biscuits, crumpets, tarmac and carpet beetles.

About me I love spending quality time with my pet monkey's Lambert and Veronica.  On Wednesdays I attend basket weaving classes.  I am trying to grow a beard that I can plait so that I can form a Thrash Metal band.

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name - Helen (Clockender)

Likes - Sherbert fountains, kirby grips, gravy, Hanson, soil.

Dislikes - Biscuit crumbs, open spaces, old people, balloons and ketchup.

About me  Hi, my name is Helen.  I am a big fan of Limahl and I have the hair to prove it.  On Saturdays I go into town and sniff lamposts.  I collect belly button lint and bluebottle wings in my spare time...and am willing to show you my entire collection for £1.25.

My favorite drink is White Lightning and Bols Blue.  I have a pet hamster called Jemima.

[Stoffel]

now haven't we got to much free time on our hands :p

[brentwoode]

Name - Grace

Likes - sandwiches, coupons, double-sided tape, telemarketers, dutch ovens, my ass squeegee, colonoscopy.

Dislikes - hardboiled eggs, that weird feeling when you're gardening without gloves and you get dirt under your fingernails, badly dressed shit mites, showering, papercuts.

About Me - I live a rather fulfilling life here in this treehouse. I like to garden [see note above], re-sorting my body cheese collection [I've won blue ribbons for my pimple cheese portfolio at local contests] and clip coupons on Sunday mornings. My husband, Stinky Cheese Man, says I look hot in my new puffy-paint cat sweatshirt with built-in pastel collar. It matches my socks. Time to play "hide the sausage!"

[jenny5309]

Name Derek

Likes Freedom Fries, Old 97's, Deutschland, Tragnock Atoll, rivers in China, palm trees.

Dislikes French Fries, Starbokks, lumber, chunks of shuttle debris landing in his backyard, the new Phil Collins-esque Coldplay.

About me Hello, my name is Derek. I do not like to disobey labor laws, but I do like beer. I also do not have an accent.

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name - Etty

Likes - Scott Bakula, Lemon curd, counting her pubic hairs with the help of a small plastic hand mirror, quilted toilet paper, sniffing bicycle seats.

Dislikes - Coffee rings, smoke rings, ring peices, squid rings, changing my underwear, bubble wrap, cardboard boxes, people who eat pastry in public, the scouring powder that leaves tiny little scratches like skates on ice.

About me Hello my name is Etty.  I live in a one man tent in a field in Dunstable.  I am a bird watcher, but I prefer being called a 'twitcher' as it sounds much better.  My diet mainly consists of rabbit meat, dandilion heads and apple stalks.  I like lots of music, The Bee Gees, David Hasselhoff, Billy Ray Cyrus, John Denver, lindisfarne, The Worzels and Thrash metal.  My main hobbies are sniffing and blinking.

[DrinkTheElixir]

Quote

Originally posted by Stoffel79
now haven't we got to much free time on our hands :p

It appears so:p :jms:

[Stoffel]

Quote

Originally posted by DrinkTheElixer
It appears so:p :jms:

http://tony.murmurs....026&fullimage=1

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name - Stoffel

Likes - Vests, painting my nails a luscious glossy red, Turnips, the feel of cold porcelaine against my butt cheeks, writing secret messages with raisins, prune juice, tripping up old ladies, licking bus seats.

Dislikes - Water, those sharp snots that get trapped up your nose in public places and force to to pick your nose in public, earwax, putting one foot in front of the other, lice.

About me - Hello, my name is Stoffel.  In my spare time I like baking scones and churning butter.  I enjoy staring people out, guessing what people have been touching just by smelling their fingers and eating spam.  I am a big fan of Bruce Springsteen, especially "Dancing in the Dark".  I am currently growing my hair into a mullet and cultivating a batch of button mushrooms in my training shoes.

[ClockEnder]

Name - TidgeyPud

Likes - Yorkshire terriers, cheap cider, long-line drawers, bread & dripping, my model of the Taj Mahal (made from bogeys), beards, Vesta meals, Bernard Manning.

Dislikes - Gorse; the way wine comes out of my nose when I vomit; cruelty to bluebottles; the way my toenails click on hard floors.

About me - Hello, my name is Claire.  I'm currently learning to play the trombone with my feet. I enjoy coach trips to out-of-town shopping malls, braiding cooked spaghetti into my hair,  and baking anatomically-correct gingerbread men.  My most prized possession is a signed picture disc of Black Lace's Agadoo

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name - Biz

Likes - Experimental soap making, chewing tobacco, collecting bus tickets,  crocheting with phlegm wads, Sylvester Stillone, dominos.

Dislikes - Phallic vegetable, laminating sanitary towels, processed cheese, aduki beans, flannels and toothpaste.

About me - Hello, my name is Biz, I live in a high rise council flat in Bognor Regis.  My favorite foods are semolina, Goblin meat puddings and sweetbreads.  My hobbies are, maintaing my 6ft by 6ft worm farm and watching my sea monkies dance in the water.  I also like to use my telescope to look into peoples windows at night.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

Name- Grace, aka DrinkTheElixer

Age 62, but with a mental age of 9 years and 4 months on her last assessment

Interests- impersonating  a nurse and cruising hospital wards with an enema bag, hoping to dupe some poor soul into letting her squirt a gallon of soapy water up their arse. This is Grace's favorite pastime, but now the police are onto her, she spends a lot of time in murmurs chat, deep in discussion with Michael_Stipe, whom she thinks is really Michael Stipe. She keeps asking him penetrating questions about the state of his lower intestinal tract, and she gets confused and tearful when all she gets in reply is random REM song lyrics.

Favorites-
food-- Grace loves nothing better than a salad of green olives, polo mints, mothballs and edam cheese smothered in a gallon of ketchup and washed down with flat Dr Pepper. She thinks Dr Pepper is a real doctor who can stop the voices in her head.

love life-- now that sex with animals is a criminal offense, grace has been forced to fantasize about grossly hairy men. She has a closet full of merkins, bearskin rugs mullet wigs and false beards for men who arent't apelike enough. But although she pretends her heart belongs to Donny Osmond, she would sell his ass for 20 Euro cents and a night with Neil Kinnock. And Mrs. Kinnock. And their Yorkshire terriers. And their neighbor's racehorse.

home furnishings-- Grace lives in the dry pond in her back garden. Sometimes she puts  few inches of water in there and sits up all night hoping tadpoles will appear, so she can sing Bay City Roller songs to them.

introduction--
Hi my name is Grace and I'm a wankoholic. I love furry animals, the bigger the better. I am a highly trained nurse, specializing in colonic irrigation, and in creating works of art out of body hair. Please send me clippings. Best are nose hair, chest hair and arse hair. Don't send pubic hair, I already have a matress full of that. Come and visit me and my gnome Fredrick in my pond, near Luton airport and I may let you lick my sacred picture of Scott Bakula! But first you have to sign my guest book! In blood. or feces.

[thursday]

hi all --------

my feakie friend helen is an elegantly slim english lady. she has a really cool job that allows her to travel for several months of the year. she stays in fabulously expensive hotels (i stay in the travelodge), dine at the grit (i dine at the huddlehouse), and wear unique fashion ensembles.
        she is discreet and mysterious, leading me to believe that she is involved with some sort of covert operation, which involves intelligence gathering by world-roving minstrels. just like in days of yore, with the spy networks of medievel queens. hmmmm.
        helen has yet to be arrested in the USA, despite that embarassing incident with mike mills' boxers during the blinding rainstorm.
        rumor ("rumoUr" in britain) has it that helen is the co-authorof sweet fanny addams'
brilliant essays, "mike mills wakes up...."
i do believe that our helen has had many rapid eye movements of her own in that regard.
        she is an amazing chick, and earth mother to us all.
        with fondest regards,
                                                     thursday

[DrinkTheElixir]

Name -  Etty to you, Norman Cromption the lads down the Legion social club.

Likes - Marmite, scratching my balls in public, licking the sprout puree from my dentures after meals, picking the shit balls from my arsehair in bed, chewing tar, sorting through rubbish bins in my local park, creating shoes out of giblets.

Dislikes - my moustache, trying to remove my moustache, chilli farts, running out of Germaloids, smegma build up,  Coffee flavoured minstrels, sherbert Lemons, getting caught exposing myself to the members of the Young Farmers conference every summer.  

Sex life -  Makes 'love' to banana skins and warm pastry twice aweek after bingo


Introduction  Hello, my name is Etty/Norman.  I want to stalk you.  I have a collection of heavily soiled underpants which I pick through every night for protein.  I have a pet dog called Gilbert who is very affectionate to me.  I love him.  One day I will take him to an understanding country and marry him.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

Quote

Originally posted by thursday
hi all --------

        rumor ("rumoUr" in britain) has it that helen is the co-authorof sweet fanny addams'
brilliant essays, "mike mills wakes up...."

                                                     thursday

That is a scandalous lie. Everyone knows "Sweet Fanny Addams" is really a small elf, real name Grockenshpiegel, who pretends to like Mike Mills but is is secretly madly in love with Bob Weber, REM's guitar tech, but only because of being convinced Bob Weber is really Jerry Springer moonlighting before running for American President. SFA is a very mixed up person.
etty :p

[BlueCordFFA]

Name: Grace

Likes: sitting up in trees shitting on passers by, shoving chocolate limes up her arse and shooting them out of her letter box at the postman, goading Liverpudlians, peeing on the carpet in the reference section of her local library,  reversing her 1975 AMC Pacer in and out of parking spaces at the crowded local supermarket carpark until it causes "excellent punch-ups", tofu smotthies, polyester clothing.

Dislikes: Etty's dress sense, Rennee's goatee, Stephane's flatulence and lack of shame for said odours, old people, young people, toothpaste, daily bathing, the inhabitants of Lyon and Claremont Ferrand, men, people under 30 having the vote, Liverpudlians, people who like pimento Cheese spread, kerosene lamps, waffle irons.

About me: "can I see your ass, I'll give you some smarties if you show me"

[brentwoode]

people, we KNOW all about grace. how about some other people????

[bizaleth]

Quote

Originally posted by BlueCordFFA
Name: Grace
peeing on the carpet in the reference section of her local library

I had to kick her sorry ass out of my library's reference section. People were complaining. She is forever banned.

[brentwoode]

Quote

Originally posted by bizaleth
I had to kick her sorry ass out of my library's reference section. People were complaining. She is forever banned.

weird smell, huh?


[ i worked at my town library when i was in high school, and there were always "weird smells" in the non-fiction section. either that or odd men exposing themselves]