35 replies to this topic

[starlite304]

my advice is yeah, tell them.  one way i tend to approach it is through the whole joking around thing.  i told this one boy, ' you know, one of these days i'm just gonna throw you down and molest you'.  i saw him for a while, but we ended up just as friends...but much better friends than we would have otherwise been.  i've also done the silent thing and really regretted it because i found out later that they had feelings for me at the time :mad: pisses me off to this day.....anyway, go for it, live life to the fullest.

[Aggy Maky]

Quote

Originally posted by Antti
Eek. that's all i can say now because of my situation! this is like a topic for me! (i refuse to reval more about this! [i don't know what i want anymore..])

I think i will keep my relationship to that person as friends, cause friendship lasts forever, and i can't afford to risk it..i suffer again, but it is worth it..friends are priceless...

Well antti i'm not sure if the friendship lasts forever...i don't believe that....u will see that and u will understand it when u graduated and after 1 year .... ur friends will not be the same ...believe me....:rolleyes:

[monktbd]

i would tell her - although it wont be an easy task at all.

but its better than regreting it later on....

[Chimporama]

My best friend of the opposite sex and I have a mutual understanding that we love each other and we have told one another "I love you" a few times lately (high school grauduation, everyone says stuff like that, though).  But right now she is in a fantastic relationship with a good friend of mine and I am always looking for someone.  I doubt that we would ever turn to each other.  

Maybe we should make a pact where if we aren't married by 35, we have to get married to one another.

[OneArpeggioPete]

that's a real when harry met sally thing, chimporama.... ;-) well... on topic: i once did, and nothing good came out of it. that was about ten years ago and it still gives me pain. seeing that, i should say don't. on the other hand, i guess it's important to get it our of your system, and i DID feel better back then after making things clear... still, it maybe depends on how much hurt you're ready to take. sorry i can't be more encouraging here, but...

:-)

oneArpeggiopete:cool:

[MeanCat]

my best friend? hmm i guess i wouldn't do it. our friendship wouldn't be the same anymore i believe and i wouldn't want to waste this.

I once had a real mad crush on a very good friend and he was already in a relationship so i never siad anything... it was painful sometimes but  survived and i'm glad it went this way :)

[Antti]

Quote

Originally posted by Aggy Maky


Well antti i'm not sure if the friendship lasts forever...i don't believe that....u will see that and u will understand it when u graduated and after 1 year .... ur friends will not be the same ...believe me....:rolleyes:

Now is greater than the whole of the future.. :)

(ps. i will "graduate" in about 6 or 7 years. :p
and high school takes at least 2 more years for me as well. :p
and most of my best friends study elsewhere.. :p
Maybe it is about how much you love your friends? :p)
(think of the last quote in the firendly way)

pps. My friends graduate as well.. :rolleyes:

(i lead 1-0, your turn)


Antti, who apparently found a computer at the woods.. :)
(which has no lovely IM programs.. :(, or a good connection or the mp3 pit.. and he can stay only here for today.. )

[supercornballs]

I would probably hint at it, act slightly moody around them (odd you think I'd be all sweet and charming) and then curse myself for missed opportunities.

[KingBeatnik]

It's a tricky situation to be stuck in, DaySleeper, & it probably needs saying that our opinions on this don't matter much.  Because, let's face it, each friendship is different.  

Case in point:  I'm beginning to harbor some very strong emotions toward a good friend of mine whom I think I some day could end up with- one who's asked me many times if I'd grow old with her- but right now I read as not really the appropriate time to say much.  She's a few years younger than me, & probably not ready yet for the kind of relationship I'd want, & tho she's never really taken any relationship with a woman as seriously as she's taken at least one very significant one with a guy she is enjoying a little "experimentation".  And all this while I've been happy to call her my friend-- we still do most things couples do, like making sure we're each who we're with when big things come in to town & seeing each other most days each week- we just keep a physical relationship out of it, & we're happy for each other when something goes right for one of us with someone else.  Some day, if I still think it's what I want with her, I'll let it come up, tho, because I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to have her an even more important part of my life.

Will saying something to Vero work guaranteed?  No.  Has saying something about feelings like this worked for me before?  No.  But I'll stay open to the chance of things clicking this time because I think I know the situation pretty well.  As long as you can give yourself an off-chance that coming clean will work, or at least won't cost you the friendship, try it... it can always be just a complimenting thought to her, if you respect her response, whatever comes.  Maybe an expression of "you're the kind of girl I wish I could find for myself" will go over a little smoother than "this whole time we've been friends I've really been wanting more".  Something like that drops the value of the friendship, & maybe makes it an easier sacrifice if things get uncomfortable between you two.

[dereks]

I have the same problem. I've liked this girl for about 6 months. I've seen her go from boyfriend to boyfriend. She's cried on my sholder many times. I recently found out that she likes me. But the problem is, we're best friends. I want to tell her this but then we would date for sure. Then at some point we would brake up like all couples. After that it would just make it ocward for me to talk to her. And that would kill me. I would die for her, but I still can't tell her that I love her...

[Spacey-cadet]

dereks said:

I have the same problem. I've liked this girl for about 6 months. I've seen her go from boyfriend to boyfriend. She's cried on my sholder many times. I recently found out that she likes me. But the problem is, we're best friends. I want to tell her this but then we would date for sure. Then at some point we would brake up like all couples. After that it would just make it ocward for me to talk to her. And that would kill me. I would die for her, but I still can't tell her that I love her...

I suppose when you reach my age, you read posts by peeps much younger who are going through the same things you did.....this happened to me many years ago.  I had broad shoulders and this one guy always leaned very heavily on me whenever a relationship failed (which, I have to say, happened with monotonous regularity).  And then the inevitable happened and we started a relationship ourselves.  Sorry to say I had to end it (one of my regrets in my life) and we lost touch a long time ago.  So, if the friendship is really important to you, don't jeopardise it.

[Lois]

Having had two friendships like this - hmm, that is being really close and the other person showing me how he felt.  I put friendship before a realtionship with either.  Not knowing what would have happened, I'm far less guarded now and would say, if you think both of you feel the same go with it.  All the happy, old married couples I know are best friends before anything else.  They trust each implicitly, they are there for each other and would do anything for each other.  If you are in that kind of friendship now, what a smashing environment to bring children up in.  As for excitement, you make exciting things happen as you go through life - as long as you look for it together, you'll have that as well!

[DericksHam]

i don't have a spot for best friend but i did tell a few guy friends i love them but that's different. althoughi did used to molest a couple of them so... it's different.

[cpa3504]

Doug said:

I did. It doesn't work, unless theres a mutual attraction and you're both just afraid to say anything.

I'm going through that right now with my best friend with who I'm also roommates with. It sucks, because both of us are attracted to eachother, but niether of us want to admit it. We're both afraid that it wouldn't be accepted and it may end our friendship.
Hell, we've spent every day together for the past seven months. We've never discussed anything like this, but I can tell the signs by eye contact, flirting, ect.  
I actually just spoke with a waitress that has seen us in her bar together all the time and she automatically thought we were a couple.
The only thing,....I'm not physically attracted to this person, just emotionally.

[isilida 32]

why not? you got everything to loose by not saying anything. plus it's not always the case that it will ruin a friendship. i've heard of best friends who dated and then ended up apart. years later they are still the best of friends. and if not closer in all aspects.

[Blue Zebra]

When you have feelings like this you are not the friend you once were and until you get it out in the open you never will be again.

Having said that, If you feel you can not live without this friend then please do the following:

1. Say nothing about your feelings to this friend.
2. Get therapy

If you feel you really can live and it won't kill you to be rejected then all you need to worry about is how the approach is done. I know it's hard I've been there myself long ago (she didn't have the same feelings and my heart felt like it was torn in 2, but I'll never regret saying how I felt)

My life has been full of rejection and acceptance from people I never guessed would. If you don't try you will never know and life goes on regardless.

True friendship starts with honesty. Love starts at random.