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Does R.E.M. Embarrass You?


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#21 ebowtheloser

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 11:07 AM

View Posttwistedkite, on 28 March 2012 - 06:06 AM, said:

Wow--thanks for the discussion! Anyway, look, some of you seem almost downright hostile/bewildered at the thought that REM could be considered somewhat embarrassing (which I think is a bit unobjective). I mean, I love REM--don't doubt my fandom, but that doesn't mean I can't be critical of songs, choices, or the general trajectory of their career. I'll give you an analogy--I have 2 kids, and I am a VERY devoted and loving Dad, BUT, yes, there are times when company is around that my kids (ages 5 and 3) act a little too silly (anyone with kids knows what I mean)--there's a fine-line between goofy-cute and goofy-annoying/embarrassing.

I guess majority rules--most of you gave a resounding "No!" which is fine, but I will admit that every time I tell my college classes that REM is my favourite band I have to add the following: "I know that REM may be Dad rock to most of you; however, back in the day they were the epitome of indie-college rock cool, not unlike the [names current hip outsider indie band]." Then again, I've heard Pearl Jam called "dad-rock" too, so it seems I can't win.

And as for ebowtheloser's opinion of SP and Nirvana--again, I can understand how some of these songs are ridiculous if you're "not in the moment"--kind of how every love song on the radio sounds full of shit if you're not in love (but if you are, then it all makes sense!)--they can seem annoying and almost childish. That said, I was a pretty depressed high school/university student and Trent Reznor really spoke to me, and yet I don't listen to early NIN anymore because (frankly) I'm just not that depressed/angry--obviously my life has changed and I've matured...just like Reznor! He's married with a kid and doing soundtracks, and recently he has said he wants to move NIN in a direction that reflects his life now (I can't wait!--hopefully he can stop talking about wanting to "disappear"--he's used that line so many times like the way Stipe uses the words "on your sleeve")

It's funny because many people can't reconcile my deep love of 90s alt bands with my love of REM since they are so different musically; but what I find funny/reassuring is that REM and/or Stipe are all friends with these other bands/artists with the exception of Reznor. It was so hilarious when Kurt Cobain (my idol through high school) said how much he loved REM (my then and always favourite band!)

But I'm off topic. The response have all been great in quality and analysis--this is what we do--we love REM and dissect them endlessly because we care about the music. BTW I proudly wear my REM shirts... I have no issue being publicly branded. :)

I completely understand what you are saying... up to a point. But I guess this is what I'm trying to get at... If your children behave badly/inappropriately (not that they would of course :) ) then OF COURSE you feel embarrassed, because you are directly responsible for raising them. None of us had anything to do with creating "Shiny Happy People" (for example) so why should it, or any other song, embarrass us? I'm just not guilty about my pleasures I guess. I like "Stand" a lot more than "Country Feedback" for example, which is generally considered heresy. Now if someone were to post a completely logical, persuasive, musically knowledgable response to why "Country Feedback" is provably better than "Stand"... and everyone piled on and said I was a fool. I still literally COULD NOT work up the ability to be embarrassed about it. It might have to do with my having always worked in some sort of creative field. I just had to develop a thick skin.

#22 twistedkite

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 11:18 AM

You make a valid point about me creating and raising my kids, vs not having anything to do with an REM song. Put better, I'd like to agree with what GreeneGrowTheRushes said: that sometimes I feel like I'm being judged based on my love of REM--that their every gesture/song rests on my shoulders to defend to a public who dimisses them! I suppose it works that way with anything: what we like, eat, listen to, consume culturally reflect who we are to a degree. Sometimes it's easy to defend/dismiss these choices, but other times I think they add up. So, yeah, I do find myself defending some of REM's later song choices, or even worst, using the time honoured populous excuse of "I know it's just average, but I still like it." I shouldn't feel this way damn it! I should be shouting from the rooftops about what an innovative and amazing band REM are/were in their every little detail...but alas I cannot.

On a side note, I strongly feel that Stand is a very underrated REM song. I'm not a huge fan of Shiny Happy People at all, but I never get sick of Stand--it's very catchy and kind of dark too. The line "if wishes were trees, the trees would be falling" is VERY creepy and depressing--pure Stipe.

#23 RamblingRob

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 12:41 PM

Heck no.  I am not embarrassed. Why should I be?  I love the band and still listen to at least three albums a week.
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#24 heavensgate2024

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 06:21 PM

Why be embarrassed/ashamed of something you love? People who will make fun of you typically don't have that level of involvment with any band. Their loss. I love having a favorite band with flaws. It'd be pretty dull to have, I dunno, Tortoise or Trans Am or Health or something along those lines as your favorite band. They're all great, but there's very little vulnerability there.

#25 twistedkite

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Posted 29 March 2012 - 05:56 AM

View Postheavensgate2024, on 28 March 2012 - 06:21 PM, said:

Tortoise or Trans Am or Health

And in one brief moment, you've just proven how out of touch I am with indie music....and some of these guys have toured with bands I like!

#26 Sweet Fanny Addams

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 11:32 PM

Put it this way-- I wouldn't introduce REM to people by playing certain albums or songs. But it's not that I'm ashamed, it's more about introducing one of my favorite bands with songs I don't like. Why would I do that? Why would anybody do that?   Reveal and ATS are two albums I don't care for. I don't listen to those  myself  (with the exception of a few songs)so I don't  play them to folks who are new to REM. "This is a band I love so l'm gonna play you some songs that get on my last nerve and make me reach for the skip button."
All their albums up to  and including NAIHF I play without a second thought. If someone likes it, great. If they don't, it doesn't change how I feel about those songs, and we can agree to disagree if someone says REM are pants and always have been.
Everybody goes on about U2 and how fantastic they are. I like their first couple of albums and that's it. I don't rate them, I don't listen to their music. It bores me.
Just as an aside, Michael Stipe said in a recent interview that the $80 million deal with WB was urban legend and complete bullshit. The band didn't deny or confirm it at the time because they were under contract and weren't going to talk about the money side, but that figure was plucked out of left field and wrong.


ETA-- The attitude that some artists are cool/ uncool shouldn't matter to anyone over the age of 10. Ideally, even kids  wouldn't give a shit about somethig like that. It's pathetic to follow the herd regarding music. Music, like all art is subjective and nobody can please all the people all the time.
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#27 Pilgrimager

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 07:59 AM

It's funny really 'cause I've only recently found out that R.E.M have become or had I should say become to be perseved a bit like I've always known u2 to be perseved but 'cause I've always loved R.E.M since first becoming a fan and only loved u2 for a few months in 1987 when I was young and foolish I just didn't really see it but in a way in weak moments I do have to sorta fortify myself to withstand the people who do dismiss R.E.M. It's  strange 'cause I just can't see how anyone couldn't appreciate what a great band they were and even if someone did think they'd been rubbish in the last 10 yrs why don't they respect them for doing what very few, relatively, people in the world do...put out a timeless masterpiece. Then again anyone who doesn't love R.E.M is just missing out on something so fuck 'em. They can say what they want but yeah part of me feels the power and i suppose stigma of  loving what to some people is now and uncool band. R.E.M have become uncool!!!!!!!

#28 Whiskers

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 11:26 AM

For the family holidays we put a few CDs in the car to listen to.
Early summer last year I popped in Automatic for the People and it went down a treat; everyone enjoyed different parts of it, we even listened to it twice.

Then I decided to put in Reveal, as I thought - hey it's summer, Reveal is a summery album, it'll be cool - but it was a pretty grueling experience.
Of course, I love Reveal, but I spent the whole time in the car looking at everyone's faces desperately trying to see a hint of appreciation. It was the first time I ever thought "The Lifting" sounded like experimental eletronic music. Even "She Just Wants To Be" came on - which I think is awesome - and there wasn't even any foot tapping.
After "She Just Wants To Be" I skipped to track 8 - because I thought "Disappear" would be too dark, and "Saturn Return" and "Beat A Drum" wouldn't be enjoyed - apparently they didn't like "Imitations of Life" either.
That was a pretty grueling experience - my Dad is a massive Beatles fan and I'm a little embarassed of prefering many R.E.M. albums to Beatles albums when I'm around him - but he didn't come on that trip. The morning that we got back I sneaked into the car, replaced Reveal with something random and hid it. I felt bad so bad, but I coudln't bear him finding out I was listenen to one of R.E.M's less fine moments.

So final car trip, Dad is with us this time, and I give it one more go - I put on Out of Time. I forgot about KRS-One's rap. The rap came on. One of the worst 30 seconds of my life.
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#29 2headedcow

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 02:35 AM

There is not one REM song that I feel embarrassed about.  I've never understood why a fan would feel embarrassed about a song that they had no part in creating.  If anyone was going to feel the embarrassment shouldn't it be the artist who wrote the song?
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#30 kizmatica

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 02:53 PM

Not at all. They are still, in my opinion, one of the greatest bands of all time. The problem is, not many people know that (or want to persue enough of their back catalogue to realise that). A lot of my friends think of REM by Everybody Hurts and Man On The Moon, so when I put on a song like Leave, they can't believe it's the same band. haha.

#31 AsktheSky

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Posted 06 April 2012 - 04:22 AM

Not embarrassed at all. Yeah of course there are tracks I love and tracks I don't love at all, but whichever, I will enthuse about the band if I'm playing their stuff in company. I take care to explain about the different phases and the progression their music has gone through. Whether anyone listens is debatable, but I try!!!

My friends know about my obsession and know that the one band they are guaranteed to hear at my house every day is REM (other bands too, but always REM).

The thing that really pisses me off is that most people I know have heard REM only from around the OOT/AFTP time when they became huge so their grasp of the band's music is limited to say the least (but in spite of my enthusiasms that they might dig into REM history, most never delved into the back catalogue (I live in England), consequently the only time they hear the IRS stuff or their bootlegs is at my house - and they enjoy them too!!!). Then when Monster came out they dropped REM as quick as they picked them up, cos they couldn't hack the difference! Fair enough. But Grrr. The good thing about the OOT/AFTP era is that the band picked up lots of enthusiastic and loyal new fans.

I have managed to convert several people but I have long come to the conclusion, as many of you on these boards seem to have too, that most people don't really listen to music as such, they just want some soothing tune on in the background and music means very little to them. Smooth FM and all that crap, how can they listen to that rubbish? I just want to turn it off if I hear it somewhere.

Enough of my ranting! Happy Easter everyone!

#32 twistedkite

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Posted 07 April 2012 - 08:03 AM

View PostWhiskers, on 04 April 2012 - 11:26 AM, said:

For the family holidays we put a few CDs in the car to listen to.
Early summer last year I popped in Automatic for the People and it went down a treat; everyone enjoyed different parts of it, we even listened to it twice.

Then I decided to put in Reveal, as I thought - hey it's summer, Reveal is a summery album, it'll be cool - but it was a pretty grueling experience.
Of course, I love Reveal, but I spent the whole time in the car looking at everyone's faces desperately trying to see a hint of appreciation. It was the first time I ever thought "The Lifting" sounded like experimental eletronic music. Even "She Just Wants To Be" came on - which I think is awesome - and there wasn't even any foot tapping.
After "She Just Wants To Be" I skipped to track 8 - because I thought "Disappear" would be too dark, and "Saturn Return" and "Beat A Drum" wouldn't be enjoyed - apparently they didn't like "Imitations of Life" either.
That was a pretty grueling experience - my Dad is a massive Beatles fan and I'm a little embarassed of prefering many R.E.M. albums to Beatles albums when I'm around him - but he didn't come on that trip. The morning that we got back I sneaked into the car, replaced Reveal with something random and hid it. I felt bad so bad, but I coudln't bear him finding out I was listenen to one of R.E.M's less fine moments.

So final car trip, Dad is with us this time, and I give it one more go - I put on Out of Time. I forgot about KRS-One's rap. The rap came on. One of the worst 30 seconds of my life.

HA! Now THAT'S way I'm talking about! Most of you (logically enough) are singing REM's praises--good for you: loud and proud. But I'm talking about experiences like this as they perfectly sum up why I started this thread---it's that feeling of playing REM for other people. There are some band and songs we play confidently, and for those who don't like it, we quickly say "you're fucking crazy! This is awesome!"  But Whiskers' post sums up how I feel sometimes---and I think it goes along with my confidence of various songs. Boy, I remember when I first played Imitation of Life for my wife who said "this sounds like Duran, Duran..and not in a good way.."

Someone on this site just started another thread about "was REM Peter Buck" and there maybe be a GRAIN of truth to that. I mean, Until the Day Is Done was written (apparently) in 1992---so who knows what other AMAZING songs Buck (or Mills, I guess) wrote during the past that Stipe just didnt care to finish! Then again, for every amazing song the band shelved (for some unknown reason) they are all responsible for the songs that made it to tape in their later years...Clive has a theory that REM's demise is partly to blame on the band not writing material that suited Stipe's maturing voice: low and raspy...a tone that works very well on their cover of Indian Summer, for example.

I suppose this thread is about REM's progression as a band musically just as much as it is about being shy about exposing others to your favourite band. THEN AGAIN, I also have memories of riding the bus home and having REM boo'ed when it came on the radio or when it was my turn to play a cassette....usually Reckoning or Life's Rich Pageant...but everyone liked Drive for some reason...go figure.

Oh well. Carry on.

#33 Bill Berrys Eyebrows

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Posted 29 April 2012 - 11:00 AM

No never felt embarrassed by REM. Sure, its a long time since they did their best work but I love em all the same!
I fell asleep and read just about every paragraph...........

#34 Ginger

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Posted 29 April 2012 - 12:25 PM

View PostBill Berrys Eyebrows, on 29 April 2012 - 11:00 AM, said:

No never felt embarrassed by REM. Sure, its a long time since they did their best work but I love em all the same!
nothing REM can do can embarrass me, I am proud of what they accomplished!
I will always REM(ember) REM's music!

REM the is the best kept secret in music!

#35 Bill Berrys Eyebrows

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 12:14 PM

View PostGinger, on 29 April 2012 - 12:25 PM, said:

nothing REM can do can embarrass me, I am proud of what they accomplished!

Right? RIGHT!
I fell asleep and read just about every paragraph...........

#36 Milsean Cady

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:42 PM

R.E.M. totally embarass me. Only because everything I love THAT much, like, so much that it hurts sometimes, is embarassing, because its mere existence makes me feel vulnerable. When I'm around people who know how much I love the band and one of their songs comes on (even if said person played it because they like it too), I feel like I'm standing there naked. All my scars out, my heart open. It's like someone seeing me sleeping with my teddy bear or smelling my sweaty socks.
When they do (did) something sub-par, it embarasses(ed) me. But I flush(ed) and cringe(d) in the most loving way possible.

They are (were) my little imperfect fuck-ups.

Sorry had to go change everything to past and present tense, because they're no longer a band but still a part of me.

A phantom limb, if you will.
I have no idea how people function without near-constant internal chaos. I'd lose my mind. ~ Dave Eggers

#37 twistedkite

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 02:48 PM

That was very poetic Milsean Cady, and borderline erotic: scars, naked, sweaty socks....or maybe I'm revealing too much about myself ;)

Anyway, your post reminded me of that AV Club 3 part REM feature where it begins with the author's analysis of why fans care so much for the bands they admire. I thought he summed it up rather well (as did you).

#38 Milsean Cady

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Posted 05 May 2012 - 02:16 PM

View Posttwistedkite, on 03 May 2012 - 02:48 PM, said:

That was very poetic Milsean Cady, and borderline erotic: scars, naked, sweaty socks....or maybe I'm revealing too much about myself ;)

Anyway, your post reminded me of that AV Club 3 part REM feature where it begins with the author's analysis of why fans care so much for the bands they admire. I thought he summed it up rather well (as did you).
Thanks--
I like that you think sweaty socks are erotic.
Looks like I'm going to have to check out that AV Club  thingy. I think there's a thread for that, yeah? I'll go look.
I have no idea how people function without near-constant internal chaos. I'd lose my mind. ~ Dave Eggers

#39 Fenrik

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Posted 07 May 2012 - 05:01 AM

Have to agree with some others on this - a certain level of association seems to decree that any negative (or even simply non-overwhelmingly positive) reaction to a piece of music is hurtful in some unusually close way.
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#40 dirk-jan

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 05:46 AM

My perception of songs also change rapidly when letting others hear something. I had this with a Sandy Denny song, The pond and the Stream, I was sitting and thinking this doesn't do anything to me. Maybe it's the folk ;)
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