12 replies to this topic

[jabble524]

Awake

As I approach the portal, between consciousness and sleep
I smell the romantic aroma of peach mango scented candles
The sweet fragrance of burning apple cinnamon incense
And intoxicating cherry vanilla perfume, drifting across from the other side

When I crossover into dreams
I hear serpents and scoundrels, speaking in tongues
Sirens singing of carnal delights, for shipwrecked sailors
And a seductive symphony of unconscious desires

I see bright yellow eyes, glowing in the summer moonlight
The reaper and father time playing chess, one of them nearing checkmate
The Phoenix rising from the ashes, of forgotten senses
And vibrant colors of red, orange, blue, pink, and purple

I feel cold hands reaching out from the shadows
Warm breath on the back of my neck, my hairs standing on end
Smooth velvet skin crawling beneath silk sheets
And wet tongues that slither slowly across my chest

At an elegant banquet, I dine on the finest ambrosia
A flavorful assortment of tastes, with sweet spices and marinades
Lobster tails and crab legs, smoked salmon, glazed shrimp, and filet mignon
Cooked vegetables, forbidden fruit, cheesecake with caramel, and white wine

Across the crowded ballroom, and through a maze of forgettable faces
I see a beautiful woman in a black sequined dress
She has soft white skin and long auburn hair
Red fingernails and a radiant smile, behind crimson lipstick

Her eyes are mysterious and mesmerizing
The right one is light blue
And the left one is dark green
Neither seem confined by mortality, or concerned with time

After a few moments she notices my transfixed gaze
And our eyes meet in a moment of unconscious destiny
Then she smiles seductively, and confidently walks towards me
As she approaches, I can smell her intoxicating perfume

[Milsean Cady]

You've definitely touched on all five senses, and laid us an opulent table of concrete imagery. But could there be a conflict added? "Desire plus danger equals drama," said...somebody Greek. As it is, it comes across a bit cliched. Don't take that too personally. I'm a second year grad student in writing, so I'm not just coming out of the blue with that.

Ever consider writing fantasy? Do you have any prose to share?

[DericksHam]

well crap. looks like it is the poetry forum. can't possibly get worse. i don't see how the rules of flower strewn can gel with GLR bitchiness.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

DericksHam, on 17 April 2011 - 03:02 AM, said:

well crap. looks like it is the poetry forum. can't possibly get worse. i don't see how the rules of flower strewn can gel with GLR bitchiness.

No-one's been bitchy. I think Jabble is a newbie and might not know Flowers Strewn is the usual forum  to post poems etc in.
And with Ethan downsizing the board, I'm not even sure myself whether FS is still a going concern.
*goes to check out FS*


ETA-- Can't find FS.
Ethan, can you advise on whether Flowers Strewn is:
1- still operational
2- if it is, where is it now?

New users, like Jabble and old users like me want to know.
The good thing about FS was, you had the option to just post your poetry, prose, art, whatever and have it online, but not critiqued.
If you wanted your work critiqued/ commented on by other members, that was a choice, too.
Right now I can't even find the damn forum.

[Milsean Cady]

Hope I haven't been too quick to critique. I workshop about four student short stories a week and am in constant feedback mode, so it just felt like the thing to do. I always assume that if people don't want feedback, they don't post, but I could be wrong.

And hopefully this will end up in the right forum.

[DericksHam]

yopu're right. FS and the more critic-y version is GONE. GONE!!!  i can't even remember how issylinda used to write. sure like to imitate him/her/it to replace the seemedly lost content. guess i'll start another horrible haiku thread.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

DericksHam, on 18 April 2011 - 01:10 PM, said:

yopu're right. FS and the more critic-y version is GONE. GONE!!!  i can't even remember how issylinda used to write. sure like to imitate him/her/it to replace the seemedly lost content. guess i'll start another horrible haiku thread.

Who's issylinda?

[DericksHam]

"I'm So In Love I Don't Attract" man.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

DericksHam, on 19 April 2011 - 01:05 AM, said:

"I'm So In Love I Don't Attract" man.

Sorry, I'm still clueless. A bit more info?

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

Dear Jabble,
I apologize about your thread being jacked by board politics. It's just, well we  had a members forum for our own creative stuff, writing or whatever, and Ethan has decided to streamline murmurs and it looks like that forum, Flowers Strewn is not a  forum anymore . Apparently all its threads were merged into a big lottery bucket called Misc, along with a bunch of other non REM threads and forums. Kind of a mess.
This all happened this week and so we're hoping Ethan  restores Flowers Strewn as an individual forum.

[DericksHam]

http://www.murmurs.c...601-isilida-32/

wtf did the quick reply send me to the main page without posting my post?!?! fuck this. and fuck other people.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

DericksHam, on 19 April 2011 - 03:45 AM, said:

http://www.murmurs.c...601-isilida-32/

wtf did the quick reply send me to the main page without posting my post?!?! fuck this. and fuck other people.

Ohhh, that guy. Now you mention it, I haven't seen him on the board for YONKS.
Now Ethan is tweaking the board I guess we should all be prepared for  posts/threads to go apeshit, unless there's video of pissing horses and hypnotised flies in them.  But I can see yours, or are some missing?
Posts that is. Not the other stuff.

[Sweet Fanny Addams]

BREAKING NEWS!!

Yay!! Looks like Flowers Strewn has now been moved to Lifestyle, where it's back to being a dedicated forum.
Thanks Ethan, I appreciate it.