A site, which I will call REMbracelet.com as to not give it undue publicity, has taken to lobbing verbal jabs at the three minstrels from Athens, Ga., with nary a care as to the damage such criticism may cause, not only should the band happen upon it, but for myself and others who have become outraged by its insulting sentiment.
The site in question, REManklet.com, has made it its nefarious mission to tear down the world's greatest band at every turn; to attempt to sabotage it under the guise of being a concerned fan.
REMchoker.com is an abomination, and I feel it is my solemn duty to eradicate it from any and all undue influence.
I will start by posting, in its entirety, an open letter addressed to me from the site's webmaster, in which I, and more importantly, R.E.M., are viciously attacked with sarcasm and an overall cavalier attitude that has become the hallmark of REMnippleclip.com. After that, I will post my own response -- which I submitted to the site in question more than 10 minutes ago and yet has STILL not been approved by the site's so-called "moderators."
Your response to my question as to why I did not like the Austin City Limits video and your sullied response: “Because you're not a true R.E.M. fan. If you were, you'd have the hand claps video playing on a loop like I do” needs more than the 180 character limit to respond.
Admittedly, I am a true R.E.M. fan, a fan that realizes that holding a device that can capture the sound of “Fingernails on a Chalkboard” combined with a band that is learning to clap shows great prominence as a “Band that is consistently growing and trying new things”.
These are the few moments that I will sit in the corner of the room and weep openly my love for this band, by creating such a sound that will hit the charts and be a major pop record, if they would only fucking tour, because well I have been saving up all my money since the Accelerate tour, bypassing that heart medication, the root canal that I need so that I can tour with them across the globe.
But why the fuck are they trying to ruin my life with no tour?
Is this all I have? This this as well as the pleasure of taking baths in tapioca listening to ‘I’ll Take the Rain’?
I went to Athens this summer. Did you?
I think I saw Stipe 2 blocks away and tried to run after him but I lost my breath. He was bald and I have not read any articles that would suggest there is anyone else in Athens that is bald so it was probably him.
Finally, I did get myself that “Chalkboard” and got some people together and we will be covering what you call “Hand Claps”. It’s an amazing amazing song with so much emotion.
And now, for my as-yet-unpublished response:
They give and they give and they give and all you do is complain.
I have read Ethan Kaplan's multiple posts, both at his R.E.M. fan site and on his personal blog, looking for even the slightest hint of criticism or reproach and I have found nothing. That clearly proves Messrs. Stipe, Mills and Buck continue to do everything to accommodate fans and maintain their status as the elder statesmen of alternative rock.
In fact, my use of the term statesmen takes on an ironic -- but telling -- twist when you consider the fact that Peter Buck now looks exactly like George Washington, the very founder of our great nation:
So, sir (if you are even to be called that), not only do you sully the name of a band you once claimed to revere, you also call into question your very sense of loyalty, and, more to the point, your patriotism.
I can only wonder where you stand on building a tribute to terrorism so close to the source of every New Yorker's pain in downtown Manhattan.
You make me sick.
I am sorry to drag this unseemly affair onto the virgin pages of Murmurs.com, but I felt it was necessary -- for only armed with the truth, however repugnant, can we have the strength to battle evil in all its forms.
May Stipe bless you all.